December 01, 2016

I've Been in a Phase...

Assalamu'alaikum and hi, everyone :)

Everyone has their own past, the chapter that they don't read out aloud. The past has no power over the present moment, but somehow it makes us who the person we are today.

I've been in a phase where I need to tell my parents that not all of their decisions are the best for me. I've been forced to take science stream for my SPM study. I've told them; my parents and my teachers for so many times that I don't have even a tiny bit of interest to learn about any root of sciences -- biology, chemistry, physics. My parents ended up met the school counselor, discussing about me, my future and whatsoever~ Worsen the situation, the counselor said to my parents that the future study for science stream students are greater than the art stream students. Taking art stream bring you to nowhere. To add, she even 'advised' me to study hard and "kalau orang lain boleh buat, awak pun boleh buat (belajar sains)". Yeah okay, well, I'm not orang lain. I am myself. For a year in science stream, I performed really bad. I kept getting D, E and G for all of the sciences subject plus add math. Truth is, I'm not interested and the teachers know. I cannot transfer school because my parents were under my counselor's 'possession'. At the end of the year, I said to my parents, that I want to transfer school. I can't take it anymore. I'm ready to face all of the consequences cuz of my late transfer to art stream. Mama get mad at me, so I cried, of course. But yeah, that's just for a day. I ended up registering as an art stream student at my new school when I was in form five. Not getting all A's but yeah, I'm among the top students. I'm proud hahaha. Well, after that phase, my parents let me choose what I want and I can talk freely about my plan to them.

I've been in a phase where I've been dumped by a good looking man. He was my primary school's friend and I need to admit that he's a good looking one. We started dating when I was in form four, 2009. I'm so proud because he's a very good looking one and he has lots of fan girls at his school (we're in different highschools, he's a SBP student). During that time dah ada selfie but you can just take a selfie guna kamera belakang so I keep getting his selfies because we're in a long distance relationship. I was showing off to my friends about how good looking my boyfriend is. We keep texting each other for three months until this 2009 raya, he text me that he wanted to end our relationship. The reasons that he gave me was"couple itu haram", sharing an article about couple haram to me and he didn't want to stay in this relationship anymore. I CRIEDDD of course. It was an achievement kottt to date a good looking guy who studies in SBP!!! But then, I keep my dignity. I just said, if it is meant to be, it will be. If that's what you want, I'll go with it -- cuz I don't want to look so pathetic and I want the fact that I've been dumped is not obvious. Lagipun he's the president of BADAR (Badan Dakwah Rohani) in his school, so I accepted his reasons. Months after that, some of my friends who went to the same school with him said to me that he actually having some sort of crush with his junior. So, okay, actually I got dumped because of a girl, like seriously. This phase taught me to not believe good looking guys, just kidding. It taught me to love someone who loves you to no end, who loves you back and who loves you more. A real man gives up all the women in this world that want him, for the one woman that is his world that he wants.

That's all from me, keep reading my friends' phases below, and, what phase you've been going through?



"I've been in a phase where I question if I am worthy of all the compliments I've been getting ever since I aced my exams when I was in primary school" -Syafiq Haiqal

"I've been in a phase where I am very confused and depressed. I didn't know who/what I wanted to be. It was when I wanted to fill in the UPU form. Do I want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or an engineer? I don't know. I got depressed for almost a week. I was so worried about what's going to happen to me in the future. But I learnt that you don't have to have any affirmation/confirmation about your future. No one is certain about theirs. Having goals and plans are great, but forcing them to happen, is not" -Syamil Hanafi

"Back then during my foundation years, I was an introvert and seniors would label me as 'snobbish, stuck-up junior who doesn't say 'hi' to seniors' type of junior. I ignored them. At least until they graduated. Then I realized, 'I am better than what they say. I can do more. I can be someone. I can change. I am me. So I did. I don't know but I've become more extroverted and mingle with other people, especially the lecturers and staff members. I befriend with juniors and seniors. I might not be as strong, nice, cheerful as I am now. I am thankful for my old self and also the people around me" -Abang Muhammad Syahmi

"I've been a phase that I hate myself. I hated of being sick. I hated being obese (due to my pills) .I hated being incapable ; joining cross country, running around. I was helpless. Consuming a lot of pills daily is not easy. I lost a lot of hair, I get tired easily and I tend to feel hunger every 1 hour (approx) . I once thought, what if I stopped taking my meds ? Curiosity kills the cat, I did stop my pills (w/o doctor's supervision). I was hospitalized for 2 weeks +-. Collapsed at school, intubated in the ambulance. I learned that happiness is a choice, not coincidence. I decided to stick with my medication . Eventually, i get better (period of 2 years after the incident). I am happy with my current self. I dont need to be skinny as supermodels do . "Just be yourself", one said . And now, what makes me "proud" of making that stupid decision is ; I believe in myself. I did hate P.E bcs i did not believe that I can do as everyone does. Ironically, i even conducted aerobic during Hari Sukan Negara . *Be*lieve in *you*rself. *Be you* " -Athirah


No comments: